The Scariest Thing I've Done

This is personal history topic #2.  On my paper, I wrote -- SEE STUPID STORY BELOW.

I really had to think about this one.  I'm sure there are several times in my life when I have been scared out of my wits, but I think I have blocked them from memory to keep my sanity.

The scariest thing that came to my mind happened just a few years ago.  While on one of my adventurous drives I discovered Silver City, Idaho in the top of the Owyhee mountains.  Not so long ago this town was a booming mining town with thousands of people roaming the moutainside searching for their fortune.  I stopped in for a bite to eat at the Silver City Hotel.  As soon as I stepped inside I knew I was destined to  return to spend a night in the old hotel.  I told my family about the discovery, and a couple years later I managed to talk my oldest brother Mike and his wife Kerry into making reservations.  I even coerced my roommate Dalelyn into going with us.

We arrived at the hotel just before dark.  The restaurant had already cleaned up dinner, but they were nice enough to make us sandwiches to hold our hunger at bay until morning.  The manager showed us to our room, the Presidential Suite, on the second floor at the end of the hallway.  The old floorboards moaned and groaned under us as we walked to our room.  The room had two queen sized beds, a couch and table and a couple of chairs.  We looked around admiring all the vintage decorations; exploring all the nooks and crannys in the room.  We talked about our lives and laughed and played games until close to midnight when we decided it was time for bed.

As we took turns walking down the hallway to the bathroom, I had this wild idea to take a tour through the rest of the hotel.  It took some convincing, but soon everyone was willing to go.  The hotel had been rewired with solar panels as their main source of energy, so at night the lights were extremely dim.  Lucky for us we had a couple of flashlights to shine on our midnight escapade.

We explored all the dark corners until we came to the stairs leading up to the third floor.  We paused with anxiety.  Should we go up there?  Should we go back to our room?  The hairs on the back of my neck tingled with anticipation.  Mike, being the man in the group, led the way up.  We slowly crept upward, eyes dilated, ears straining to hear the slightest sound.

At the top of the stairs we flooded the hallway with our lights.  Black empty doorways stood open, beckoning for us to walk in and be swallowed up.  We ventured through the rooms until we reached the end of the hallway to find another bathroom.  My heroic six foot, four inch brother kept us safely behind him the whole way. 

We were so entrhralled with thoughts of living in the past, and discussing all the intricate details of the old hotel we didn't notice something was missing until it was too late.  As we stepped out of the bathroom, we realized Mike had disappeared!  HE LEFT US ALONE!!!  In fear we huddled close together and moved in unison slowly back down the hallway.  At each menacing doorway Kerry threatened, "Mike if you scare us, you are dead!" or, "Mike you better not be in there!  I'm serious!  You will be in serious trouble if you scare us!"  At each doorway we stopped to whisper mortal threats and then race past with fright.

Finally we reached the stairway that led us safely back to the second floor.  We hurried back to our room to find Mike safely tucked in bed, wondering what had taken us so long!  We laughed and laughed over how frightened we were and Mike wasn't anywhere near us!  Once we had calmed our nerves, we hopped safely into our beds and slept.

You would think an experience like that would cure me from ever venturing down dark hallways again, right?  You give me too much credit!  I'm not that smart!

The next morning while everyone else was getting ready for the day, I again found myself at the bottom of the stairs leading to the third floor.  This time I was without a flashlight.  The sun was shining in through the windows at the end of the hallway, but the hotel was still dark and the lights still dim.  I managed to make it to the top of the stairs.  However, as I peeked into the first room the hair on my neck prickled in warning.  My mind whispered, "You should not be up here!"  I backed away from the room and thought, "You're just being silly.  Keep going you sissy." 

I stepped past the first door and made for the second.  This time my mind screamed, "YOU SHOULD NOT BE UP HERE!"  I froze with fear.  Logically I couldn't justify this terror, but I couldn't ignore it either.  I spun on my heels and scurried to the stairs.  I hesitated long enough to feel something stalking me from behind and the voice in my mind shrieked, "GET OUT NOW!"

I flew down the stairs to escape the imagined nightmare that lay behind me.  Once at the bottom, my fear abated and I paused to catch my breath.  I turned and peered up the stairs again wondering, "Was there really something up there waiting to terrorize me?"  I didn't want to find out, so I collected myself and calmly strolled back into our room as if nothing had happened.

I enjoyed our adventure at the Silver City Hotel!  I would encourage everyone to make their reservation today!  Step back in time and spend a night or two reliving the "Old West".  Just don't do it ALONE!

SAVIOR OF THE WORLD - E

EPILOGUE

I am so grateful for the experiences I have had over the last several months. I know my Heavenly Father loves me. I will never reach perfection in this life, but I will never give up doing the best I can. This life is the time for us to prepare, to learn, to grow, to love, to laugh, TO LIVE! Hard times will come, but I hope I can view them as just another adventure about to happen.

WOO-HOO!!!

SAVIOR OF THE WORLD - 3

CHAPTER THREE – SHEPHERD IN TRAINING

I realized this is the formula for becoming the “shepherd” God wants me to be. It may take forever, in my case, and then one day more, but I am still willing. Like any father, I think this is what God wants – a willing heart. He knows I will mess up and piddle-dee-dee around. He also knows I have amazing potential. I will give God forever to make me what I am.

These are two of the many amazing lessons I learned from Savior of the World. I thoroughly enjoyed having a small part in this production. I must say, “THANK YOU” to everyone who was involved in the play for making it so special! I know it touched so many people’s lives, especially mine.

THE END

SAVIOR OF THE WORLD - 2

CHAPTER TWO – LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS

To be honest, when I heard our ward was putting on the “Savior of the World” production again, I was not going to get involved. Then Dalelyn, my roommate, was asked to be the stage manager. Somehow she managed to drag me along to a practice, and that’s all it took to hook me. I love this production. It is simple and yet so powerful.

I only had a small part in the production. I played one of the townsfolk and then at the end I was one of the angels. As I participated in the practices the Lord gave me little insights that He was there to help me through my troubles. As the scripture reads, “For all this his anger is not turned away, but his hand is stretched out still.” (2 Nephi 15:25) I know now His hand will always be stretched out to welcome me back.

One of my favorite scenes in the play is with the shepherds. Oh wait, first let me back track a little. I have been unhappy with my job for a long time. I feel it is beneath me (I know, sometimes I’m so proud I can’t hardly stand myself). I feel like I have more potential than doing customer service, and it is so frustrating to feel stuck. (Disclaimer: In case my boss or co-workers read this, currently I am very happy with my job.)

In the midst of this frustration, I sat down and listened to the shepherds perform their scene. They weren’t mighty kings. They were lowly sheep herders, and yet angels appeared to them to announce the birth of the Savior of the world. (Chills ran through me every time we practiced that scene) They were instructed to go and tell everyone of this wondrous event. Why? I’m guessing because God knew they could be trusted to perform the task.

As I listened, I realized I needed to change my attitude. It doesn’t matter what position I hold in life. I just need to live so that the Lord will trust me to do what He asks. I am now striving to be as the shepherds of old tending my “little flock” and preparing for the Lord to call. I know I won’t always succeed, but I will keep trying until the end.

The play ran for two nights. The first night the song between Zacharias and Elizabeth hit me like a wrecking ball. I’ve been listening to that song for three months (six months if you include last years production), and never paid attention until that performance. Zacharias and Elizabeth have a duet entitled “I’ll Give God Forever”. They sing about the things they’ve wanted from life (i.e. a child), but they were willing to give up their wants to do God’s will. The words say, “I’ll give God forever to make me what I am… I’ll give God forever, but not to do my will… I’ll give God forever and then give one day more…”

As I listened, the thought that came to me was, "Why not?"

SAVIOR OF THE WORLD - 1

CHAPTER ONE – THROUGH THE MIST

I have been talking with a counselor weekly to help me figure my life out. He has provided me with some books to read and tools to work my depression with. He has also provided me with different ways to look at my life to help me understand that I am okay. He has also pointed me back to my Savior as a guide to help me through this “mist”.

I started reading “The Shack” by Wm. Paul Young for the second time. Dalelyn and I attended a symposium with this author. He explained why he wrote the book and some of the underlying details about the book. The author explained that he had suffered some childhood trauma at the hands of another. The character, Missy, in the book was his representation of his childhood and how it was ripped from him and murdered.

To a certain extent, I could relate. I felt the need to read the book again to see how he came to terms with the trauma he experienced. Let me interject here with my disclaimer: I disagree with many of the religious concepts in the book – i.e. he depicted God as a large black woman (which I am growing more and more to really appreciate the symbolism that entails). However, putting the religious differences aside, the main theme of this book is that God loves us. Let me repeat that: GOD LOVES US! No matter what we do, no matter where we go, no matter who we are – God knows us individually, and He loves us.

Enter here: “Savior of the World”…

SAVIOR OF THE WORLD

PREFACE:

I feel like last year could be considered a “Mist of Darkness” (as described in the Book of Mormon in Lehi’s dream) kind of year. I was in a funky fog and I did a lot of wandering. I have been struggling through a great depression. I seemed to have lost my purpose in life; no direction, no drive. The next few blogs are about how I found my way out.

(I broke it up into chapters so it wouldn't seem so long, plus it increases my number of blogs)