EPILOGUE
I am so grateful for the experiences I have had over the last several months. I know my Heavenly Father loves me. I will never reach perfection in this life, but I will never give up doing the best I can. This life is the time for us to prepare, to learn, to grow, to love, to laugh, TO LIVE! Hard times will come, but I hope I can view them as just another adventure about to happen.
WOO-HOO!!!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
SAVIOR OF THE WORLD - 3
CHAPTER THREE – SHEPHERD IN TRAINING
I realized this is the formula for becoming the “shepherd” God wants me to be. It may take forever, in my case, and then one day more, but I am still willing. Like any father, I think this is what God wants – a willing heart. He knows I will mess up and piddle-dee-dee around. He also knows I have amazing potential. I will give God forever to make me what I am.
These are two of the many amazing lessons I learned from Savior of the World. I thoroughly enjoyed having a small part in this production. I must say, “THANK YOU” to everyone who was involved in the play for making it so special! I know it touched so many people’s lives, especially mine.
THE END
I realized this is the formula for becoming the “shepherd” God wants me to be. It may take forever, in my case, and then one day more, but I am still willing. Like any father, I think this is what God wants – a willing heart. He knows I will mess up and piddle-dee-dee around. He also knows I have amazing potential. I will give God forever to make me what I am.
These are two of the many amazing lessons I learned from Savior of the World. I thoroughly enjoyed having a small part in this production. I must say, “THANK YOU” to everyone who was involved in the play for making it so special! I know it touched so many people’s lives, especially mine.
THE END
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
SAVIOR OF THE WORLD - 2
CHAPTER TWO – LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS
To be honest, when I heard our ward was putting on the “Savior of the World” production again, I was not going to get involved. Then Dalelyn, my roommate, was asked to be the stage manager. Somehow she managed to drag me along to a practice, and that’s all it took to hook me. I love this production. It is simple and yet so powerful.
I only had a small part in the production. I played one of the townsfolk and then at the end I was one of the angels. As I participated in the practices the Lord gave me little insights that He was there to help me through my troubles. As the scripture reads, “For all this his anger is not turned away, but his hand is stretched out still.” (2 Nephi 15:25) I know now His hand will always be stretched out to welcome me back.
One of my favorite scenes in the play is with the shepherds. Oh wait, first let me back track a little. I have been unhappy with my job for a long time. I feel it is beneath me (I know, sometimes I’m so proud I can’t hardly stand myself). I feel like I have more potential than doing customer service, and it is so frustrating to feel stuck. (Disclaimer: In case my boss or co-workers read this, currently I am very happy with my job.)
In the midst of this frustration, I sat down and listened to the shepherds perform their scene. They weren’t mighty kings. They were lowly sheep herders, and yet angels appeared to them to announce the birth of the Savior of the world. (Chills ran through me every time we practiced that scene) They were instructed to go and tell everyone of this wondrous event. Why? I’m guessing because God knew they could be trusted to perform the task.
As I listened, I realized I needed to change my attitude. It doesn’t matter what position I hold in life. I just need to live so that the Lord will trust me to do what He asks. I am now striving to be as the shepherds of old tending my “little flock” and preparing for the Lord to call. I know I won’t always succeed, but I will keep trying until the end.
The play ran for two nights. The first night the song between Zacharias and Elizabeth hit me like a wrecking ball. I’ve been listening to that song for three months (six months if you include last years production), and never paid attention until that performance. Zacharias and Elizabeth have a duet entitled “I’ll Give God Forever”. They sing about the things they’ve wanted from life (i.e. a child), but they were willing to give up their wants to do God’s will. The words say, “I’ll give God forever to make me what I am… I’ll give God forever, but not to do my will… I’ll give God forever and then give one day more…”
As I listened, the thought that came to me was, "Why not?"
To be honest, when I heard our ward was putting on the “Savior of the World” production again, I was not going to get involved. Then Dalelyn, my roommate, was asked to be the stage manager. Somehow she managed to drag me along to a practice, and that’s all it took to hook me. I love this production. It is simple and yet so powerful.
I only had a small part in the production. I played one of the townsfolk and then at the end I was one of the angels. As I participated in the practices the Lord gave me little insights that He was there to help me through my troubles. As the scripture reads, “For all this his anger is not turned away, but his hand is stretched out still.” (2 Nephi 15:25) I know now His hand will always be stretched out to welcome me back.
One of my favorite scenes in the play is with the shepherds. Oh wait, first let me back track a little. I have been unhappy with my job for a long time. I feel it is beneath me (I know, sometimes I’m so proud I can’t hardly stand myself). I feel like I have more potential than doing customer service, and it is so frustrating to feel stuck. (Disclaimer: In case my boss or co-workers read this, currently I am very happy with my job.)
In the midst of this frustration, I sat down and listened to the shepherds perform their scene. They weren’t mighty kings. They were lowly sheep herders, and yet angels appeared to them to announce the birth of the Savior of the world. (Chills ran through me every time we practiced that scene) They were instructed to go and tell everyone of this wondrous event. Why? I’m guessing because God knew they could be trusted to perform the task.
As I listened, I realized I needed to change my attitude. It doesn’t matter what position I hold in life. I just need to live so that the Lord will trust me to do what He asks. I am now striving to be as the shepherds of old tending my “little flock” and preparing for the Lord to call. I know I won’t always succeed, but I will keep trying until the end.
The play ran for two nights. The first night the song between Zacharias and Elizabeth hit me like a wrecking ball. I’ve been listening to that song for three months (six months if you include last years production), and never paid attention until that performance. Zacharias and Elizabeth have a duet entitled “I’ll Give God Forever”. They sing about the things they’ve wanted from life (i.e. a child), but they were willing to give up their wants to do God’s will. The words say, “I’ll give God forever to make me what I am… I’ll give God forever, but not to do my will… I’ll give God forever and then give one day more…”
As I listened, the thought that came to me was, "Why not?"
Monday, February 13, 2012
SAVIOR OF THE WORLD - 1
CHAPTER ONE – THROUGH THE MIST
I have been talking with a counselor weekly to help me figure my life out. He has provided me with some books to read and tools to work my depression with. He has also provided me with different ways to look at my life to help me understand that I am okay. He has also pointed me back to my Savior as a guide to help me through this “mist”.
I started reading “The Shack” by Wm. Paul Young for the second time. Dalelyn and I attended a symposium with this author. He explained why he wrote the book and some of the underlying details about the book. The author explained that he had suffered some childhood trauma at the hands of another. The character, Missy, in the book was his representation of his childhood and how it was ripped from him and murdered.
To a certain extent, I could relate. I felt the need to read the book again to see how he came to terms with the trauma he experienced. Let me interject here with my disclaimer: I disagree with many of the religious concepts in the book – i.e. he depicted God as a large black woman (which I am growing more and more to really appreciate the symbolism that entails). However, putting the religious differences aside, the main theme of this book is that God loves us. Let me repeat that: GOD LOVES US! No matter what we do, no matter where we go, no matter who we are – God knows us individually, and He loves us.
Enter here: “Savior of the World”…
I have been talking with a counselor weekly to help me figure my life out. He has provided me with some books to read and tools to work my depression with. He has also provided me with different ways to look at my life to help me understand that I am okay. He has also pointed me back to my Savior as a guide to help me through this “mist”.
I started reading “The Shack” by Wm. Paul Young for the second time. Dalelyn and I attended a symposium with this author. He explained why he wrote the book and some of the underlying details about the book. The author explained that he had suffered some childhood trauma at the hands of another. The character, Missy, in the book was his representation of his childhood and how it was ripped from him and murdered.
To a certain extent, I could relate. I felt the need to read the book again to see how he came to terms with the trauma he experienced. Let me interject here with my disclaimer: I disagree with many of the religious concepts in the book – i.e. he depicted God as a large black woman (which I am growing more and more to really appreciate the symbolism that entails). However, putting the religious differences aside, the main theme of this book is that God loves us. Let me repeat that: GOD LOVES US! No matter what we do, no matter where we go, no matter who we are – God knows us individually, and He loves us.
Enter here: “Savior of the World”…
Friday, February 10, 2012
SAVIOR OF THE WORLD
PREFACE:
I feel like last year could be considered a “Mist of Darkness” (as described in the Book of Mormon in Lehi’s dream) kind of year. I was in a funky fog and I did a lot of wandering. I have been struggling through a great depression. I seemed to have lost my purpose in life; no direction, no drive. The next few blogs are about how I found my way out.
(I broke it up into chapters so it wouldn't seem so long, plus it increases my number of blogs)
Monday, January 30, 2012
Memories of Grandma Stokes
I found this paper I had written several years ago. I believe it was for Grandma Stokes' 8oth birthday. The family put together a collection of favorite memories of Grandma. Here is my story:
So many things go through my mind as I think of the wonderful lady who took us in for at least two weeks every summer when I was a little girl. I was never very good at picking just one thing when there are so many good choices to choose from.
I guess the one thing that keeps coming to mind, as I think of such a wonderful grandmother, is when I was about five or six years old. The sun had set and darkness crept in through the windows of that old house. At night my mind always conjured up strange images. I was tucked warmly in the roll-away bed Grandma always kept for company. Brett and Kenny were incessantly fighting for their half of the larger bed in the back bedroom.
It was unfair that I was alone in the small bed to fend for myself in the darkness. When Muffy scampered in the room, I got out of bed to lure her in for some protection. As I chased after her, a giant woman (as it appeared to a child of my size) came after me, spat me on the butt and told me firmly to get back into bed. At that time, I was sure "Grandma" was synonymous with "Wicked Witch of the West."
My impression could not have been more wrong. As I grew to know more about the world I lived in, the meaning of "Grandma" changed drastically. My vocabulary had expanded and so had my time spent with Grandma. I came to learn the true meaning of "Grandma" was candy in a jar on her lamp table, a full cookie jar, Popsicles in the freezer, pop in the fridge, milk shakes from the Polar Bear, fast food, fishing trips to Foster and Glendale Reservoir, and much, much more. In other words, "Grandma" is actually a verb meaning - to spoil rotten. I would say Grandma Stokes covered that perfectly.
The thing I will cherish most about Grandma is the long drives she would take us on to see the world around us in all it's beauty. Long drives that would last all day, and drive away our boredom. The funniest drive I remember was when she drove Ken and me somewhere in the hills above Preston, telling stories all along the way, engulfing our minds in visions of what had gone before.
We came a stream that rushed by through a tunnel under the road, and Grandma decided we had better turn around. As she backed off the dirt road to turn around she said, "You watch on that side to make sure I don't hit anything." Kenny was sitting by the window, so naturally I thought she was talking to him.
CLUNK!
Oops! Without warning the back wheel dropped off the edge of the bank and high centered the back end of the truck.
"What did you let us do that for?" Ken accused me.
"What? You were the one supposed to be watching!" I defended
"No sir! You were!"
Ken and I were both embarrassed and had to lay the blame elsewhere. We didn't know what else to do, all alone with no one to help us out, and we were a little nervous. We never thought we could get stuck with Grandma driving, but there we were. Luckily, Grandma, instead of laying blame, just got busy and within the hour we were unstuck and happily on our way. Hard work was her trademark.
Without fail, whenever something went wrong or something was broken, Grandma would always show us that we were more important than anything in the world. I will remember all the love and joy Grandma has shared with me throughout every stage of my life. It doesn't matter what I have done in my life, Grandma was always there with her arms wide open ready to share her love. She has given me the greatest gift in all the world.
Thank you Grandma Stokes! I love you in so many ways and always will!
So many things go through my mind as I think of the wonderful lady who took us in for at least two weeks every summer when I was a little girl. I was never very good at picking just one thing when there are so many good choices to choose from.
I guess the one thing that keeps coming to mind, as I think of such a wonderful grandmother, is when I was about five or six years old. The sun had set and darkness crept in through the windows of that old house. At night my mind always conjured up strange images. I was tucked warmly in the roll-away bed Grandma always kept for company. Brett and Kenny were incessantly fighting for their half of the larger bed in the back bedroom.
It was unfair that I was alone in the small bed to fend for myself in the darkness. When Muffy scampered in the room, I got out of bed to lure her in for some protection. As I chased after her, a giant woman (as it appeared to a child of my size) came after me, spat me on the butt and told me firmly to get back into bed. At that time, I was sure "Grandma" was synonymous with "Wicked Witch of the West."
My impression could not have been more wrong. As I grew to know more about the world I lived in, the meaning of "Grandma" changed drastically. My vocabulary had expanded and so had my time spent with Grandma. I came to learn the true meaning of "Grandma" was candy in a jar on her lamp table, a full cookie jar, Popsicles in the freezer, pop in the fridge, milk shakes from the Polar Bear, fast food, fishing trips to Foster and Glendale Reservoir, and much, much more. In other words, "Grandma" is actually a verb meaning - to spoil rotten. I would say Grandma Stokes covered that perfectly.
The thing I will cherish most about Grandma is the long drives she would take us on to see the world around us in all it's beauty. Long drives that would last all day, and drive away our boredom. The funniest drive I remember was when she drove Ken and me somewhere in the hills above Preston, telling stories all along the way, engulfing our minds in visions of what had gone before.
We came a stream that rushed by through a tunnel under the road, and Grandma decided we had better turn around. As she backed off the dirt road to turn around she said, "You watch on that side to make sure I don't hit anything." Kenny was sitting by the window, so naturally I thought she was talking to him.
CLUNK!
Oops! Without warning the back wheel dropped off the edge of the bank and high centered the back end of the truck.
"What did you let us do that for?" Ken accused me.
"What? You were the one supposed to be watching!" I defended
"No sir! You were!"
Ken and I were both embarrassed and had to lay the blame elsewhere. We didn't know what else to do, all alone with no one to help us out, and we were a little nervous. We never thought we could get stuck with Grandma driving, but there we were. Luckily, Grandma, instead of laying blame, just got busy and within the hour we were unstuck and happily on our way. Hard work was her trademark.
Without fail, whenever something went wrong or something was broken, Grandma would always show us that we were more important than anything in the world. I will remember all the love and joy Grandma has shared with me throughout every stage of my life. It doesn't matter what I have done in my life, Grandma was always there with her arms wide open ready to share her love. She has given me the greatest gift in all the world.
Thank you Grandma Stokes! I love you in so many ways and always will!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
CHILDHOOD STUPIDITY
The youth in our church have been learning about family history this month. I attended a Wednesday night youth activity, and they took the younger group to the Family History Library while the older group stayed at the church. I stayed to supervise the older group. One of the leaders passed out paper and pencils and had the youth write down events from their childhood that they would like to remember. He assigned a topic, allowed five minutes for the kids to write, and then had volunteers share the stories they wrote down. I really enjoyed the activity. So much so that I would like to share with you the topics and stories I wrote down.
The first topic was - SOMETHING STUPID I DID AS A CHILD
Here is the event that came to my mind (besides throwing an enormous icicle at Brett and hitting him in the head, or throwing paper airplanes at passing cars to freak them out, or....well... never mind).
The night was dark and cold. The frigid air hinted at the coming snow. A slight breeze whispered of trouble in the air. I can't remember why Ken and I were out wandering the neighborhoods in our area that late at night, but we must have been bored and were looking for something to do. We agreed it would be fun to knock on doors and run away. We chose a door, knocked and ran. Safely hidden away we quietly snickered at our craftiness, until we realized that the parents of the house were out thoroughly searching every bush and shrub in their yard.
As they drew closer to our hiding spot, we panicked and made a run for it. Ken took off so fast I didn't have a chance to see where he went. The dad, seeing he had no chance to catch my brother, turned his angry sites on me. I sprinted as fast as I could down the street. Like a cheetah, I had him beat with my speed, however I didn't have the stamina. My muscles were soon exhausted and he started gaining on me. To my foolish child's mind I thought maybe I could dodge his rage-filled grasp like I did with the boys on the football field at recess. To my chagrin, he instantly caught a hold of my coat and lifted me off the ground. He hissed his curses in my face gave me a good shake and let me go. I honestly have no idea what he said to me. All I heard in my head was, "YOU ARE SO DEAD!!! YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!!!"
I stood where the man had set me down in a daze. My face burned from the embarrassment of being caught. As soon as the dad had disappeared out of site, Ken popped up out of the darkness. He had a sheepish grin on his face. I imagined he felt bad for ditching me (at least I hope he did).
He gave me a little shove and asked, "Why did you let that guy catch you?"
"Why did you leave me?!?" was my reply.
"Last I looked you had him beat, so I took off." Ken answered.
"Yeah, thanks a lot."
We both gave a weak laugh and headed for home. I never, ever, played that game EVER again!
The first topic was - SOMETHING STUPID I DID AS A CHILD
Here is the event that came to my mind (besides throwing an enormous icicle at Brett and hitting him in the head, or throwing paper airplanes at passing cars to freak them out, or....well... never mind).
The night was dark and cold. The frigid air hinted at the coming snow. A slight breeze whispered of trouble in the air. I can't remember why Ken and I were out wandering the neighborhoods in our area that late at night, but we must have been bored and were looking for something to do. We agreed it would be fun to knock on doors and run away. We chose a door, knocked and ran. Safely hidden away we quietly snickered at our craftiness, until we realized that the parents of the house were out thoroughly searching every bush and shrub in their yard.
As they drew closer to our hiding spot, we panicked and made a run for it. Ken took off so fast I didn't have a chance to see where he went. The dad, seeing he had no chance to catch my brother, turned his angry sites on me. I sprinted as fast as I could down the street. Like a cheetah, I had him beat with my speed, however I didn't have the stamina. My muscles were soon exhausted and he started gaining on me. To my foolish child's mind I thought maybe I could dodge his rage-filled grasp like I did with the boys on the football field at recess. To my chagrin, he instantly caught a hold of my coat and lifted me off the ground. He hissed his curses in my face gave me a good shake and let me go. I honestly have no idea what he said to me. All I heard in my head was, "YOU ARE SO DEAD!!! YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!!!"
I stood where the man had set me down in a daze. My face burned from the embarrassment of being caught. As soon as the dad had disappeared out of site, Ken popped up out of the darkness. He had a sheepish grin on his face. I imagined he felt bad for ditching me (at least I hope he did).
He gave me a little shove and asked, "Why did you let that guy catch you?"
"Why did you leave me?!?" was my reply.
"Last I looked you had him beat, so I took off." Ken answered.
"Yeah, thanks a lot."
We both gave a weak laugh and headed for home. I never, ever, played that game EVER again!
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